The (Not So) Triumphant Return

This may come as a shock, but when you're struggling with your fertility, there just isn't much to post about in a blog dedicated to being pregnant!  Compound that with the crushing seasonal depression brought on by a very long, very cold winter, and the disappointment of still being in a job that makes me extremely unhappy... well it was hard to pull myself out of the funk enough to do much towards this blog.  For that, I apologize.
There were certainly good things that happened:

• Parties with friends.
• The support from my awesome husband.
• Discovering a website that lets me stream the latest shows and movies (bwahaha).
• And I'm sure other things, too.

But at the end of the day, I usually ended up depressed.  Another friend announcing their pregnancy.  Another new baby posted endlessly across my Facebook feed.  And across all these things, the evil whisper in my ear of "failure".  It's hard not to blame yourself; not to feel like you are failing as a human when pregnancy doesn't come as easy for you as it does for others.  Not to mention reaching, and then passing, the range of days that should have been my due date.  I think getting past those days actually helped me - it was over on way or another.
I do feel better now.  The first warm breeze of the year always helps lift me out of the dark, cold misery of winter.  That first crocus bursting open is a reminder that even after the cold and death of the last few months, new life is there to spring forth again.  There's always hope.  Spring is hope!
So basically I'm back, baby!

Life, Lately

 Across the street from a friend's new home (we helped on moving day).

My New Phone

Oh my gosh I love it!  We finally were up for an upgrade, so Ryan and I headed over to the Verizon store and picked out new phones.  We always get the same type - the last two times they were having BOGO deals, but this time it was just because.

Our new phones are the Droid Razr HD and it's so much better than the Droid X2.  SO MUCH BETTER!  I've been impressed with the camera.  It's no SLR, for sure, but it does in a jiffy.  I've heard there is a new phone with an excellent camera, but this was the right price, so it'll do for now.

Here are some of the pictures I've taken with it:

What Ifs

Sometimes I find myself trolling Pintrest for new ideas on how to decorate my house and I wonder what life would be like if I'd veered off in different directions.  What if I hadn't transferred back from Virginia to Boston after my freshman year.  What if my previous boyfriend didn't dump me and I didn't throw caution to the wind and go on a bunch of blind dates (well, OKCupid blind dates).

I wanted to do a lot of things that I simply haven't done, and I know there's still plenty of life left to explore, but I don't think I'll be able to, I don't know, join the Peace Corps (though after hearing about all the rape, I'm not so sad about missing out) or travel Europe solo or something crazy like that.

Maybe it's not healthy to dwell on "what ifs".  I should focus on what we do have and what we can do with it.  What if I focused on my writing?  What if I focused on photography?  What if I didn't just take what jobs I could?

I suppose I'm just in a funk right now because I was chatting with a friend online and I'm pretty sure she was joking, but she said "I know I will never be a happy married woman like you..." and all I can think is that's me?  I've gone from "tortured artist" or "promising photographer" or "award-winning poet" to happily married woman.  It leaves me feeling like I've let everyone down - all my professors who had such high hopes, my friends who are following their academic dreams, my childhood self who thought I'd become anything and everything.  But here I am: a happily married woman and trying to become a mother.  Just another face in the check-out line at Market Basket, trying to get the best deal on groceries.  A person who checks Pinterest for home decorating and gardening tips - who grows lettuce in her bathroom.

I want to feel like I've made something of myself, but my mind keeps telling me that since I'm not a poet or a photographer or anything like that, I've clearly given up on the person I wanted to be.

Boo.

Saturday Morning Means WORK!

My weekends are Sunday-Monday and I work on Saturdays, so they've kind of lost their excitement.  Friday nights are especially dull and TGIF no longer holds meaning for me.  But sometimes Saturdays are great.  Last Saturday we slept in because the whole of New England came to a screeching halt because of the snow.  It was almost three feet of snow!  The last time I remember that much in one storm was third grade.  That time there was ice on top of the snow and we had fun sliding up and down the drifts until I got the bright idea to "surf" the ice and ended up breaking my lip open.  That hurt!  But the snow was still pretty fun.
Ryan has been working through every weekend lately, so he has even less excitement when Friday rolls around.  At least his weekend work days tend to be shorter - and he brings Zoso to work with him on weekends, so he isn't stuck at home with a bunch of cats.

Speaking of pets, did you know Petco had cute little Valentine jester outfits?  Did you know they're super cheap right now?  Oh yes.

Ford puts up with just about any outfit.  He's an easy-going cat.

Sometimes We Don't Say Things

My parents are awesome.  They are two unique, incredible people who have been the largest and greatest influence in my life.  However there is one problem - I never tell them how much I love them.  I love my parents.  I love them a lot!  Every day I am wowed by how lucky I am to have these people in my life, but ever since I was a kiddo, I've felt weird and maybe a bit silly saying "I love you" to them.

But I do!

I've always loved my parents, even when I'm rude and disrespectful to them - which I try my hardest not to be.  They've always looked out for me and made the best choices for me, whether or not I saw it at the time.  I am so thankful every day of my life that I spend with them, and I can't even fathom that they wont be with me one day.
So sometimes we don't say the few simple things that mean the most.  I love you mom, and I love you, too, dad.  I know you guys love me because of how much you've done for me in my life.  It makes me so sad when I see people who don't have great relationships with their parents - I wish I could share mine with them!
Without further ado, I'd like to introduce you to my fabulous parents.

My handsome dad and gorgeous mom!

I can't wait to see what awesome grandparents you guys will be!

The Blizzard of 2013

There was snow.

LOTS OF SNOW

I wasn't kidding!  I even measured the snow on my leg and it looks like it's at 23-4 inches without drifting.  One of the drifts is up to my shoulder!  If only we were a bunch of kids again, I'd be out there building a fort and not in here wondering why I feel cold, haha!

There are a bunch of random pictures at the end of the video, and I'll be putting them under a cut here if you'd like to take a closer look at them.

New Video: Episode Five!

One True Love

Lets not skirt around it, that's a silly title.  But it's true.  There has been one major love in my family history that seems to strike at least one every generation.  That love is photography.  I love it.  My dad loves it.  Our ancestors have loved it.  We have so many pictures of family through the years that I feel like I personaly know each and every one of them.  We even have pictures of somsone's livingroom from the turn of the century - long before bored people turned the camera towards random crap in their home.  Can you imagine how much that cost - a picture of a rocking chair, a rug and a screen?  It's silly, but I still love it because it makes me feel closer to them.  When I was a kiddo I took SO MANY pictures of my room.  This picture of a poster of Dr. Evil will surely mean something to me some day down the line.  Nope.
But I've gotten away from my point.  Basically I've always been surrounded by pictures of the people I came from - on my dad's side at least.  Cameras weren't as popular in the Bahamas, I guess, or they were too expensive.  We don't have many pictures of my mom's side past her parents.
Since I don't have much news on the baby front except for the simple fact of NO BABY, here are some pictures of my ancestors as spotted on my Flickr photostream.  I'll do my best to name each one:

Phylis

Meet the Family

This is my family. I found it, all on my own. Is little, and broken, but still good. Yeah, still good.

 -Stitch from Lilo and Stitch

And by family I mean myself and Ryan - and the pets of course, but this is about us!  Because I don't have any pictures of our someday baby, here are our baby pictures.

Ryan:

I can only hope our kid ends up with such luscious lips.

The Abbeh Show: Episode 4 - In Which I am a Crazy Person

Day One

Hello world!

Why is it so hard to write an introduction to your life? I suppose that question answers itself. Do I write an in-depth biography of my whole life up through today? Would anyone really want to read that? Probably not.

What facts about me would even interest a stranger? In the internet intrusive world we live in, would one more life laid bare really be that interesting to the world? Who knows, really. Slice of life blogs are a dime a dozen, but somehow each one has at least a few followers, because we all love the sort of legal peeping tom feeling of delving into someone else's life, even if - at the end of the day - it's only the parts of it they choose to share.

So here I am, throwing care to the wind and baring my soul to the internets. This is me, my life, my struggles and, hopefully, my greatest achievements. All of this for you to read, if you choose, because I simply want to share.