At A Loss

I'm sorry for not posting in the last week or so.  I'm still in a funk from the bombings.  This is the first time I feel like my own home was attacked.  My friends, my family were all in the line of fire and I could have lost any one of them.  The city I grew up in faced a violent upheaval.  This is all so new and uncomfortable.  When New York was attacked I felt the pain deep in my heart for my country and my friends, but somehow this feels worse to me.  It all feels so deeply personal that I can't quite put words to it.  How dare they attack the city I was born in?  How dare they bring the fighting to my wonderful Cambridge where I've spent so, so many days?  How dare they drag Watertown into this - where my best friend grew up - where I spent some of my best days?
It would be great to say I'm stronger than this, I'll just go on as if nothing ever happened.  But I'm not and I can't.  I'm weak and scared and it's like facing death for the first time in your life.  For the very first time you think "oh god, this could happen to me."  It's the pinnacle moment of your childhood when you lose your immortality and I'm just having a hard time dealing with it.

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